I have no idea how to feel better as the days go by. It just seems to be harder and tougher. One moment I feel empowered but feeling powerless the next. At times, I do wish I can be like a guy, getting over just like that.

There are things that you just know deep down inside but it just seems so hard to come to terms with yourself. You doubt yourself, you question yourself. When will you ever learn to trust and love yourself? Really didn't think I will return to blogging. Been 9 months since the last post. A great deal has taken place within this 9 months. It's a new year to begin with.

Reading through the previous entries, I find a great change in myself. I don't know if I acted it out back then but I really felt myself way stronger as compared to now. Got off the phone with a friend and I said, "I don't know what's wrong with me recently. Even a simple thing as laughing today, I almost ended up crying." I want the strong me back, where did it go to? 是不是经历的越多就更软弱？Why have I allowed myself to be easily affected? If this was a case study to study, I will close it as communication breakdown. Communication can only take place with trust and strong relationship. It is a triangle. With any gone, it is broken.

Been through another break up. It has been hard. Really tough. 从陌生人变成朋友, 成为情侣再到今天熟悉的陌生人。这感受真的不好。It has been a rough patch. I got my time away, you had your answer and got your freedom. As long as you are happy.

There are things that I don't think I will get accustomed to during this period of time but give time some time, I believe I can.

To be honest with myself, I know I've been feeling really really really sad these days, or rather, the past 2 months.
The only note I can make to myself has been made and I will stick by it. Couldn't remember where I stopped at and had to read my blog once again. Came across my post on leaving flying and gahhh, I really miss flying badly.

Moving on.

What was I supposed to tell myself?

Oh yes, I made a mistake before. Well, who doesn't make any in their entire life?
Probably I was tired then. Probably I did voice out before. Probably I just wanted something else. Probably probably probably. What a huge probability.
I guess I just didn't want to voice out what was on my mind or perhaps I just didn't try hard enough.
Didn't know how to handle things back then and every one I spoke to told me, "well, just suck it up lor. what to do." So I took their advice and accepted things as they were which made me unhappier as the days went by. There were happy times, I really did enjoy myself. This is something which I have never said before.
In addition, you must have an understanding boss who's willing to listen to you and take your opinions into consideration.

So I made the mistake of not voicing out which I really regret. Now, I make it a point to make things work. It shouldn't be one way. It should be mutual. If it works, then it does. If it doesn't, it really doesn't. Well, I honestly think I did let a number of people down, made them disappointed and even worse, not leaving on a good note which just destroyed my own future.

Glad that the people I'm turning to now have more constructive feedback. But of course, there's only that much suggestion one can give. After all, the person involved is you, not your friend.

Take things in your stride and don't be too hard on yourself. It doesn't mean being nonchalant. If the feedback was meant for an improvement, take it positively and learn from it. If it's just meant to put you down, don't be affected. Smile. It's a lesson after all.

Never throw in the towel without trying. Because you will never know till you tried. Who knows? Maybe the other person is thinking the same way as you are or after talking it out, you will come to know their rationale behind all their actions.

xx

I think I'm turning more emotional as I grow up. Just had to tear a little after reading an article my friend sent me. Thank you to all of you. I shan't mention names. It just doesn't help much. Because those who cared really stuck by. This is something I have yet to learn - to be there for my friends. Been an eventful year I would say. Full of ups and downs. Had the feeling of "fml" every now and then. Made a number of friends and broke a few friendships. Some can never be called friends, let's just keep it as acquaintances.


Lost myself in the realm of love and am still trying to find myself back. It was indeed a bad year/period but am glad it is slowly clearing out now. Perhaps it's true. I have no idea what "Love" is. But there is one thing I learned from it - There is only so much you can trust in a certain person.

And I would say, give a person 2 months. You will see his/her true characters.

2013 has indeed been a real quick year. It's like, the beginning was only yesterday.

Of course, I started 2013 with a BANG - chicken pox. Oh well yes, was having my virgin trip to Bangkok and started having blisters, then they burst, pain at my joints and also being very restless. Nonetheless survived the 4 days in BKK and returned home.

Truth be told, I was actually quite excited to be having chicken pox at the age of 21 (i was still 21 then) because it was my first time having it! and yeah, having to fight the scars now.


then came the time where i chopped off my tresses to a short bob! It was quite popular among my colleagues at the beginning of the year. Wanted to find closure and there was a bad scar on the left of my face (which i couldn't apply makeup on). Prior to this, I had always been wanting to test out short hair.

Glad I made the decision to cut it. Refreshing look and somehow, grew more confident with it. I never once regretted cutting it except now, I really miss my long hair.

Didn't manage to spend CNY in Singapore this year. Then again, it wouldn't have made a big difference because I don't have much relatives in SG. Just that, I still rather hoped that I would be in Singapore than to be overseas.

Okay, then came the time where I injured my ankle. I still have no idea how to describe how it happened. I was just making my way to the washroom, placed my right foot on the steps and *prak*, I landed on the steps. Heard the loud cracking of my bone and hit my tailbone. It hurt so badly that I just cried on the spot. But hor, I made my way back to the theatre to continue my movie - Despicable Me 2. I still can't believe I sat through a comedy movie but was unable to laugh because it just hurt so badly. And yes, I fell in slippers.

It's all over now apart from the fact that it will hurt occasionally and when the weather turns cold.

So grounded for a whole 3 months just for that minor fracture. Glad for all my kind friends then. Genuinely thanking all of you from my heart.

Modeling/events was what I used to love but just didn't have the luck and time for it. One other thing, I just couldn't be bothered to put in too much effort due to my career. But still glad for agents who gave me the chance during that short period of time. At least I managed to earn a little for my expenses. I know, many talents wouldn't be agreeing with me on this - that I am doing it for money instead of passion. But people change, don't they? My passion is still there but I wouldn't want to make it my main occupation/focus in life.


Bade goodbye to the life of living out of a luggage. I'm pretty sure I will miss it. In fact, I am already missing it.

I have no idea what 2014 holds for me but I'm pretty much looking forward to it and be part of the organisation which has been in the limelight quite lately.

I am giving myself a huge challenge in 2014. It might seem easy but I've been told by many it isn't going to be. Still, gonna challenge myself. If I get through it, it's a challenge conquered. If I don't, at least I tried.

As for friendships, I do hope to remain in contact with all the friends I made in 2013 and hopefully, aim for more meetups in 2014.

For health, I definitely do wish it will be way way way better than how it was in 2013.

For family, as long as all are safe. That's all I wish for.

For Love, there's nothing much I would wish for. I actually forsee how it would be from now on.

Resolution for 2014? Be happy in whatever I undertake.


Don't let yesterday take up too much of today, for life is too short to be anything but happy.

Picked today to discard things I didn't need and gave my study desk a good clean up.

What took place in 2013 shall remain in 2013. Embracing 2014 with the highest level of faith one can ever have.

and you know what I learned in 2013/from my prev career?
you can't do anything much about things that happen. Some take place too quickly, some take place unexpectedly. The only thing you can do, is to learn from it.

it's a great number 13 14. Celebrate the new year with your loved ones! (:

xx Don't get me wrong. I love flying. I love the people I've met till date and thank each and every one of them for shaping me into who I am today. There are people I've met which made me want to be just like them and some which I tell myself, to never become one.

I would say it was a little strange on how I came to this decision. Actually, I somehow see working just like being in a relationship.

It was not as simple as just leaving one airlines and joining another. It was about leaving flying and probably, for good. There were many reasons that led me to decide to leave but I guess the most important was clearly, studies. Before I came into flying, I told myself, why don't I just take 2 years to do what I really love and wanted to do since young - cabin crew/flight attendant and so I did. I'm glad I chose it. Of course, there were ups and downs.


Every crew knows the path to flying is not easy as it seems. From interview to training to exams to graduation and spreading our 'wings'. Well, it doesn't just stop there. The license doesn't just come just like that. We can't just apply for it. We worked for it and yes, there is an expiry date.

You might have heard your friends who are crews telling you, "no, we can't afford to fall sick during training." which is very true. We can't afford an MC even if we fall sick. Because each single day of training is that important. If we miss one, we might have to start everything all over again.

Every single flight is something different. You might see it as just simply 'waitressing' but it isn't. We do face the fear of 'unexpected emergency', 'breach of safety and security', 'medical cases' and also, 'being asked to leave'.

So don't go telling your crew friend, "but you just go on board and ask coffee, tea, orange juice, fish or chicken mahs." Your friend might just smack you with an oxygen bottle (if they can differentiate an oxygen from water extinguisher. haha!) or, tell you to save yourself in an event of an emergency.

oh yes, the worst kind of comments I've ever heard from people on low cost carriers/scoot in particular?
That we will never be on par with international airlines. Yes, I agree for service and what we can offer in a flight. But if you are referring to first aid, security and safety aspect, I beg to differ. I've seen other LCCs which really don't care much about safety. And if you really like to refer to Scoot as a lousy airlines as compared to Singapore Airlines or others in terms of first aid, security and safety, give the crew a moment as we get a crew from the other airlines to attend to you.

2 months of training, close to 19 months of flying. It really isn't easy. The moment you decide to leave your house and report for a flight, it isn't just about you alone. 10 other crew members, 2 being your flight crew, and the lives of other passengers lie in your hands. If you are not feeling well that day, be it mentally, physically or emotionally, you either report sick else, pull yourself together and perform. I would say, it's a whole different persona when I'm with and without the uniform. Behave professionally when you are in uniform, even if it means having to meet your worst fear.

Before I became a cabin crew, all I thought was, you just need to wear your uniform, go on flight and serve pax. Nope, not that easy. Homework has to be done beforehand, such as flight information, crew information and station information. Be sure to go around saying Hello when you report. You don't want to appear unfriendly, will you?

I guess I will find it hard to forget airline terminology. Flying has somehow been encrypted (woah!) in my blood.

There is a sentence which one of the CICs told me before which I will never forget it for the rest of my life and for everything that I do. "If you want to do something, do it properly - see it through, else just don't do it." Which is very true. Why would you want to do something half way and abort it? If not completing/achieving it was part of your plan, then why do it in the first place? Which CIC? ta-da!

"So good hor. Fly for free."

Yeah, heard of that many times. We do fly for free but we do need to work in a flight. If a flight is tiring enough, we sometimes, just head out to grab some food after touching down and we will just sleep for the rest of the day till reporting the next morning. Till date, there have been a few times whereby I wake up and ask myself, "where am I at?" then I stare at my roommate (who is asleep) and wonder "who is that uh?"


Crews have their days as well. But like mentioned, we have to be professional once we are in our uniform even if it means meeting our worst fear. I have to admit flying has changed me much. Into a more bubbly person, which I don't know if it's good or bad. I don't know if it's because I'm in the uniform, hence I'm bubbly or it has just changed my character as a person. One other thing, it has also changed my temper for the better. Used to be complaining at the slightest matter, tweeting the moment it happens but after being a crew, yes still complain but the tweeting on what happened just seconds ago has died down.

Just like what one of my trainer/ex IFS with SQ told me, "sometimes you have to listen to the pax. Listen to what they are saying. You think pax want to throw temper at you one mehs? They don't. They want a good flight to their destination too." Which is why, I strongly believe in listening and trying to understand. Faking it and really meaning it are two different matters.


Trained to have the poker face. So even if you irritate the shit hell outta me, my face is straight on the outside though it looks like this on the inside.


Things change, people come and go, and time goes on. Bonds were created and friendships were formed.

Will I forget whatever that took place? I won't. It has become a part of me that cannot be forgotten. What will stay are the friendship and memories. They will stay a lifetime with me. I can never forget the times of eating our meals halfway yet having to leave the galley to answer a call light, taking turns for toilet checks, having to solve a situation that meets both the pax's demands yet at the same time standing from our company's point of view. I will miss closing all the (super duper heavy and i always wonder what pax bring onboard) overhead compartments and scrambling to close if it rolls down during take off/landing. I will miss all my passengers and the valuable lessons they have given me. I will miss 'gym-ing' in the galley and definitely remember each and every delay fought.

Like I said, I somehow see working as being in a relationship. There are both good and difficult times. Some things can be while some can never be solved. Leaving doesn't mean it's the end of everything and it might not necessarily be a bad thing. It's definitely not about "if you really love it, you wouldn't leave." I mean true to a certain extent, you may love doing something very much but it might be just, some things were not meant to be or rather, something else might just be waiting for you.

It's just like being in a relationship, you have both the good and the bad times, and you just won't be unable to every single thing about your other half. Or even maybe, you two get along very well but somehow somewhere, you just know it's not the correct person. And you will come to learn, letting it go is better than holding on. It's not about fighting for a change or salvaging the matter but of course, you do not just let go of things like that without even trying. You will still give chances to both parties till things finally get better or you have finally come to accept the fact. There is a certain limit to both acceptance and compromising. Ok, I better not deviate.

And, I know. People do speak and I've been hearing lots. I usually don't care much but well, might as well take this chance to clear the air. I'm not attached to any crew or to any person. I do know of people who are just genuinely curious while some are just using it to kill time in the galley/start spreading gossips. I don't know what you guys have been hearing but bottom line, I'm not attached. Thank you. :) You are welcome to introduce any person you think might be my other half though.

Last but not least, I thank each and every one of you for all the sane and insane moments and making my flying career a memorable one.


















Of course, there's only so much we can tell you about our work/occupation. You will only come to truly understand the life of a cabin crew if you are one yourself.



Thank you to the team for the memorable last flight. I guess it's true. You will never forget the first and the last. I really did have every urge to cry but my work position was really too awkward to do so. And when all the passengers disembarked, there was the second surge but it somehow just got held back.

Well, whatever it is, I love all of you! And stay safe while spreading your wings! =)

ps: now you know why they call me sixty-nine, right?